


Reminders

by adrianna_m_scovill



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22842295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrianna_m_scovill/pseuds/adrianna_m_scovill
Summary: For a request for Rollins seeing Benson's scars for the first time
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins
Comments: 3
Kudos: 86





	Reminders

Amanda threw her leg over Olivia’s lap, straddling her thighs, and kissed down the side of the captain’s neck. Olivia tipped her head back against the sofa, making a sound that was half desire and half amusement. Amanda had been hesitant at first, but the moment she’d gotten unspoken permission—the moment Olivia had returned her kiss—a dam had broken, releasing all her inhibitions.

Now her hands were all over Olivia, skating over her clothes and slipping beneath her shirt to find bare skin. Olivia wasn’t complaining. She sat with her hands on Amanda’s hips, content to let the younger woman kiss and suck at her neck and down into the collar of her shirt—occasionally lifting her head to plunge her tongue into Olivia’s mouth for a few seconds—all night if that’s what the detective wanted.

It had been a long time since Olivia had allowed herself the luxury of getting swept up in the passion of the moment, a long time since she’d given in to the pleasure of another person’s touch. She didn’t want to think about consequences or all the reasons she should put an end to things before they went any further.

She wanted to feel something good. She wanted to touch and be touched, to want and be wanted in return.

She slid her hands up Amanda’s sides, lifting her t-shirt, relishing the warm smoothness of her skin. Amanda raised her head and quickly stripped off her shirt, throwing it aside before slanting her mouth over Olivia’s again, licking her tongue into the captain’s mouth with a hungry sound. She was fumbling with Olivia’s blouse, trying to pull it up, and Olivia shifted, withdrawing her hands from Amanda’s shirt to help. Amanda peeled Olivia’s blouse up and over her head, tossing it onto the back of the sofa.

Olivia felt the change in Amanda’s body, felt the moment the detective saw the scars, and she cursed herself for forgetting for even a moment. She was always so careful, but she’d let herself get carried away by the warmth in Amanda’s caresses.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said before the detective could say anything. She fought the overwhelming urge to grab for her shirt, to shield Amanda from the sight of ugly reminders.

“And I’m not asking you to,” Amanda answered quietly, offering a sympathetic smile. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Olivia said, but the mood had clearly shifted.

Amanda could feel the change in Olivia, too. The captain suddenly seemed self-conscious, and gone was the reckless abandon of a few moments ago. Amanda felt a pang of regret and hoped that they could recapture some of the feeling they’d lost—selfishly, because she’d wanted this for a long time, but also because Olivia didn’t deserve to have her pleasure forever clouded by the memory of William Lewis.

Amanda put a hand on Olivia’s shoulder and ran her thumb lightly over her collarbone. Some of the scars dipped down into the cups of Olivia’s bra, and Amanda didn’t want to think about all the pain and degradation the captain had suffered. “I know it can’t be easy, always worrying about what people might say. But you’re beautiful, Liv, just so you know? When I see these scars, the only thing I see is how strong you are.”

Olivia looked away, tears shimmering in her eyes, but a small smile curved her lips. “I appreciate that,” she murmured, reaching up to cover Amanda’s hand with her own. “I do.” She let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, I’m just. You know. It’s hard, letting people see…”

“After I was…raped,” Amanda said, faltering over the word because she’d never said it while in such an intimate position, “I felt like something inside me was so broken that everyone should be able to see it, like it was obvious. Like they should be able to read my mind and know what was wrong. I almost wished I had scars, you know? Something people would see that would make them understand.

“But I know I was lucky, ‘cause I don’t have to explain. I don’t have to worry about someone seeing me and asking what happened.” She reached up and tucked Olivia’s hair behind her ear. “For whatever it’s worth, Liv, I…I know I can’t understand exactly what you went through, but…I do understand—”

“I know,” Olivia cut in quietly, cupping her hands to the other woman’s face. “I know you do. The truth is, I haven’t been with anyone who didn’t already know. It’s hard enough having someone see the scars when they already know what happened, but someone new? Having to answer questions…” She trailed off, dropping her gaze to Amanda’s shirt as she tried to get control of her emotions. She’d ruined a beautiful moment, and she was sorry for it.

“You don’t ever have to answer questions,” Amanda said softly, running her fingers over Olivia’s hair and down her cheeks. “You shouldn’t have to worry—”

“I’m not worried,” Olivia murmured, sliding her gaze back up to Amanda’s. “Not with you. I just don’t want you to feel awkward.”

Amanda leaned closer, her weight pressing Olivia into the cushion. “Awkward ain’t what I’m feelin,” she drawled, earning an amused smile from the captain. “You mind?”

When Olivia shook her head, Amanda bent down and pressed a kiss to one of the burn scars on the pale swell of Olivia’s breast. She felt the captain’s breath hitch, and Olivia’s hands found their way back to Amanda’s hips. Her fingers dug into the detective’s waist as Amanda slowly kissed her way over all the scars she could see.

The detective ducked her head further to close her mouth around Olivia’s breast, wetting her bra and teasing her nipple through the fabric. Olivia arched her back, gasping, her grip on Amanda’s waist tightening. Smiling, Amanda reached around and unhooked the other woman’s bra, slipping the straps down her arms until her breasts spilled free.

She pulled one soft mound into her mouth, circling her tongue over Olivia’s hardened nipple, barely noticing the scars. Olivia would talk about them when she wanted to. She didn’t owe Amanda, or anyone else, an explanation. And scars or no scars, Olivia was perfect. She was so beautiful that it made Amanda’s chest ache, and she fit Amanda’s hands and mouth like she was made for them.

“You’re so beautiful,” Amanda breathed, lifting her head to find Olivia’s mouth for another kiss.

Olivia pulled back, catching her gaze. “ _You_ are beautiful,” she answered.

Amanda glanced away. “I know I got stretch marks and—”

“Amanda,” Olivia said, and the detective slid her eyes back up to the captain’s. “You’re perfect.” She tipped her chin up to meet Amanda’s kiss, letting her lips linger while her hands roamed. 


End file.
